Sunday, May 31, 2009

Nobody's Sunbeam

Why do I still let you get to me?

Why do I still let you hunt me so?

I have demonized to myself

So I can finally let you go.

I thought that I was over you

I guess I will never truly be

Deep down, in my heart of hearts

You still mean the world to me

While unpacking some more stuff today

I found something that you had given me

It reminded me of the good times we shared,

Of the way things used to be.

We spent nearly ten years together

We had our ups and downs

I remember how happy I was

To be coming back to this town

You gave it to me when I got off the bus

It was just a silly little thing

It brought back a flood of memories

Of just how well you knew me

Even as I sit here writing this

A year, we have been apart

It pains me to know

That you can still break my heart

I miss the times when things were good

And we got along so well.

When will I ever be over you?

Only time will tell.

I know in the end,

That I am better off now

Late at night, when I sit here alone,

I still think about you, even now.

I want this feeling to stop

I thought that I was finally over you

I think that I will never be

Anyone else's Sunbeam.

Saturday, May 30, 2009


Went swimming last night. I was out there for a couple of hours. It was awesome. I have not been swimming since I lived with my parents back in 2006! Starting on Monday, I am starting my diet in earnest and going to be adding swimming in as part of my exercise regimen. I am hoping that with all the walking that I am doing, I will be able to trim down this summer and get back to the way my body was before I had children. I do not want to lose much weight, only about 40 or 50 pounds. I want to lose the weight by Christmas so there is not a whole of of pressure to lose it fast so that I can do it the healthy way. I did, however, purchase a weight loss supplement, Acaiberry. I am going to be using it as a jumpstart to my diet.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

To the pool

Well, I finally broke down today and bought a swimsuit. I realized that it had been a couple of years since I bought one. It was awesome because I had to buy a smaller size than I did last time. It is an awesome feeling. I am hoping that with this will come some additional weight loss. I am feeling good about myself again and it feels good to be losing the extra weight. Planning on hitting the pool for the first time this summer, tomorrow. This time, I am actually looking forward to it!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Complete, utter helplessness

Holy shit! Last night was a fucking trip. Went out with a friend, got a flat tire, had a few drinks, and damn near got my ass kicked. It made me realise that I am not completely over my ex. I have never been someone to back down in a fight but last night was really scary. Being yelled at and threatened to be knocked out cold was one of the scariest things that has happened to me so far. While I really like the guy that I went out with last night, I despise his friend for bringing that out in me and reducing me to a state of complete helplessness and for making me feel no bigger than an ant. It did make me realise that I need to take some sort of self-defence class so that I do not have to feel like that ever again! I wish that I was more over him. I thought that I was already. I know for a fact that I never want to be with him again but I hate the fact that based on the way that he treated me in the end something simple and small like a confrontation can send me back to that time when we were together. I need to learn how to get over it and get over it quickly.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

The Big 10!

My oldest child, Lilith, turned the big 10 on Friday. Got to see them on Saturday, which was really nice. We did not do much but had some KFC, Isis and I made Rainbow Cake, and Lilith rocked out to some Guitar Hero 2. She did really well considering that it was her first time playing. I am really proud of the way that she took her time and went through the tutorials to actually learn how to play the game. She had a lot of fun as did I.
It honestly seems like it has not been 10 years already. Thinking back to when she was first born, I am amazed at the fact that I have a 10 year old. When I got pregnant with her, I was always the one to say that I did not want children. Not just then but ever. It is really odd how things turn out. Lilith has turned out to be a beautiful and intelligent child. She can hold her own in conversation with not only other children but also adults and always has been able to. She also has an inquisitive mind and is curious about the world around her. She is constantly learning and I love the fact that she allows me to be involved with her on that level. If she does not understand something or wants to know more about it, then she is willing to come to me and ask me about it. If I do not know the answer then she makes me look it up so that we can both learn something new.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Human DNA Source Code

* Human Genome
* Version 2.1
* (C) God
/* Revision history:
* 0000-00-01 00:00 1.0 Adam.
* 0000-00-02 10:00 1.1 Eve.
* 0000-00-03 02:11 1.2 Added penis code to male version. A bit
* messy –will require a rewrite later on to make it neater.
* 0017-03-12 03:14 1.3 Added extra sex drive to male.h; took code
* from elephant-dna.c
* 0145-10-03 16:33 1.4 Removed tail.
* 1115-00-31 17:20 1.5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case.
* 2091-08-20 13:56 1.6 Opposable thumbs added to hand() routine.
* 2501-04-09 14:04 1.7 Minor cosmetic improvements — skin color
* made darker to match my own image.
* 2909-07-12 02:21 1.8 Dentition inadequate; added extra ‘wisdom’
* teeth Must remember to make mouth bigger to compensate.
* 4501-12-31 14:18 1.9 Increase average height.
* 5533-02-12 17:09 2.0 Added gay option, triggered by high
* population density, to try and slow the overpopulation problem.
* 6004-11-04 16:11 2.1 Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in
* centra of CD.
/* Standard definitions
#define SEX male
#define HEIGHT 1.84
#define MASS 68
#define RACE caucasian
/* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files.
* Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide proper
* inheritance features.
#include “mother.h”
#include “father.h”
#infndef FATHER
#warn(”Father unknown — guessing\n”)
#include “bastard.h”
/* Set up sex-specific functions and variables
/* Kludged code — I’ll re-design this lot and re-write it as a
* proper library sometime soon.
struct genitals
#ifdef MALE
Penis *jt;
/* G_spot *g; Removed for debugging purposes */
#ifdef FEMALE
Vagina *p;
/* Initialization bootstrap routine — called before DNA duplication.
* Allocates buffers and sets up protein file pointers
DNA *zygote_initialize(Sperm *, Ovum *);
* Returns structures containing pre-processed phenotypes for the
* organism to display at birth.
* Will be improved later to make output less ugly.
Characteristic *lookup_phenotype(Identifier *i);

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Star Trek

I went to see Star Trek yesterday. Admittedly, I have been a fan since The Next Generation and was not too familiar with the original Star Trek. It was an excellent movie! If you have not seen it yet, you should. I loved every bit of it. Honestly, it would be a great movie to spark an interest in the series. It certainly rekindled mine. Thinking back on it, I realized that a lot of my geekier aspects, from a love of sci-fi to a love of gaming comes from, oddly enough, my mother. I remember that it was my mother who got me into gaming from the original NES system. We got the system for Christmas the year that it came out and my mother would play just as much if not more than I would. I remember wanting to play in order to be just as good as she was at it. I never could beat her at Mario and to this day, many moons later, I have never met anyone who could play Super Mario Bros the way that she could. Mom also got me involved with a lot of Sci-Fi from Star Trek to Highlander and believe it or not, Nickelodeon's Are You Afraid of the Dark. Those two shows, turns out, bloosomed into a full fledged love for Twilight Zone, The Outer Limits, Stargate, the X-Files, Twin Peaks, and a whole host of other shows that can be found primarily on The Sci-Fi Channel, Discovery, and the History Channel. It was my dad who was the EMT/fireman, but it was my mother who would stay up late at night with me on the weekends and watch the surgeries on the Discovery Channel. OK - so I realized that this post was originally supposed to be about the movie that I saw and it totally turned into a post about my mother. I think that is ok because I totally <3 her. ^_^

Monday, May 18, 2009

If Mondays were not Fridays.....

I would hate them so! At least, it is Friday for me. YAY! Finally getting really settled into my new place. I love the fact that there is a Fresh and Easy store within walking distance. Also have a Burger King (YAY Star Trek!) Family Dollar, and a game shop all within the same shopping center. I ended up getting a PS2, Dreamcast, and God of War 2 the other day. Now I have more excuses not to clean, LOL. I tried to go see Obama when he spoke at ASU's graduation Wednesday night but was unable to make it in. So instead, we went drinking. I realized that I have not had that much to drink in a while. Got kicked out of my first bar. I am not sure if that is an accomplishment or what, lol.

Friday, May 8, 2009


Well, so far I have been hitting about 2 miles of walking every other day. Feeling pretty good about it. One of the guys at work and I are now in a contest to see who can lose weight the fastest. I honestly want to lose about 40 pounds, then I will be ecstatic. I mean, honestly, I look pretty damn hot now but if I could lose these few extra pounds I would be totally smoking!