Trekkie Kids

Saw this on GeekDad today and immediately thought of my mother. Not really that she did any of these, just that she is the person most responsible for my current level of geekiness.

Jealousy

So, even though we have a very casual relationship, I am finding myself jealous of the girl that he is out with right now. We have talked about this and neither one of us really wants anything serious. I even talked to the girl that he is out with right now, letting her know that she has nothing to worry about with him! I have known him for about a year or so and was vouching for his safety-ness, LOL. I am not the chick who is supposed to get attached like this. Honestly, what the hell is going on here? I am jealous of the time that he is spending with her. Even though, he is coming back here tonight. I am finding myself becoming very attached to him. I realized that the other night when I dreamed about him. I have not dreamed about guy since my ex. When he spends the night here (and he is the only guy I have ever let do that, except one) I enjoy the time that we spend together. I relish waking up with his arms wrapped around me. I even got mad at him last night for texting her while we were together! And I don't mean like a little mad, I mean a great big green-eyed monster welled up and I had to choke it back down! I finally told him that when we are together, that is my time, no one else's. I think that it is fair and I will do the same for him. I thought that I was over this stupid emotion, but apparently I still have a bit to learn. If I can't get over this feeling with a casual lover, how am I supposed to get over it with a permanent one? Am I just not meant to find love again? I know this is kinda sappy but I had to get it out of me. Thanks for listening. *smooches*

Coming out

So, thanks to some help from booze and friends, I have successfully staved off total seclusion mode for the time being. Took the girls swimming yesterday. I got in the water a little bit but ended up getting completely sunburned! The tops of my legs are itchy, my back is radiating heat, and so are my shoulders. Fortunately, I had some aloe vera gel to put on them yesterday and some help putting it on. It is funny because now I have some odd tan lines. The top to my suit is strapless but does have a tie that comes up from the breasts to tie around my neck. So now, I have two white strips that look like they are emanating from my chest to my neck, LOL. Good news! I weighed myself on Wednesday and I reached my goal of losing 5 pounds this week! Totally excited about that. It means that I am on my way to a much healthier and even sexier self ^_^

Seclusion

I feel like I am dropping into seclusion mode again This is not a a good thing. Usually when I get this feeling coming over me, I totally drop off the grid for a day or two. This one feels like it is going to be a lot longer, which is never good. I am not sure what is bringing it on this time. I think that it is deeper than just a wanting to get away for a little bit and be by myself like most people I know get. This is much bigger and seems much more sinister. I feel like using again but I know that is NOT a good idea. I am trying to figure out what is causing this and unfortunately, I am not having any luck. Anyways, I am dropping out for a couple of days. If you don't hear from me after a couple of days, message me to make sure that I am all right, please?

Good thought for the day

I know that weight is just a number on a scale but I finally broke down today and picked one up. So, starting weight for the diet is 215 pounds. Not bad considering I thought that I weighed about 240 or so. Did some more walking today. Felt really good. I think that what I am going to do is walking one day and swimming the next. Break up the monotony so that my body does not get used to one type of exercise. Probably be for the best so that I can lose the weight faster. Also thinking about starting up the P90X system once I get into better shape that way I don't have a bunch of flab hanging off me. I am really excited and now that I have a scale, I am going to weigh myself about once a week so that I can see if I am making any progress. I have already cut down on the sodas and am drinking only diet sodas when I do have one; except for the occasional root beer, LOL. The kids are also excited about the fact that I am gettig serious about losing weight. I think they really want to see me happy and healthy again. I am thinking that I want to lose about 50 pounds as my ultimate goal. Breaking that down into weekly goals should make it easier. Then I will be down to my pre-baby weight. Just gotta be on top of it this time. Here's to hoping that I do not get discouraged!

"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth."

These words were spoken by Henry David Thoreau. Today, they just seem to resonate with me down to my very core. I think that it has to do with the issues that I am dealing with regarding my ex. All that I ever really asked of him was that he be honest with me. It seems that he could not even do that. I admit that when we split up the first time, I fucked up - royally. However, when we split for good, it was because he would not quit using and decided to go and fuck the chick that he dated when we were split up the first time. After I left, I missed him terribly. I used to have nightmares about growing old alone and wished that he would come back to me. As stupid as that sounds, I hate typing it even now. At this point in my life, we have been separated for about a year and I have come to a point where I am comfortable with the fact that I am single. I miss having someone to curl up next to at night when I go to sleep and waking up in someone's arms. One man that I am currently dating does spend the night on a regular basis, usually once or twice a week. I treasure the moments when I am melting into sleep, wrapped together with him and waking up, feeling his arms around me. Ok - so this went on a total ramble, sorry about that. Things have been a little weird lately.
*smooches*

Visit with the girls

The kids got to stay the night again tonight. I took them swimming today and we had a blast. I finally got a suit and got in the pool with them. It was a lot of fun. I flipped Lilith off backwards off of my shoulders a few times. I had forgotten how much fun that is! I totally got ambushed in the pool by them as well. They both ganged up on me and sunk me underwater! I did not take them swimming last year and they have both gotten a lot stronger than they were the last time that we went to the pool! Right now, Lilith and I took turn playing Guitar Hero 2. She has gotten pretty good at it and has decided to start playing it for real and created a band. She decided to name it the Rockin' Monkeys! LOL. Nu-Isis has decided that her favorite song on the game is Shout at the Devil and she loves to dance around while Lilith and I are playing. Now I need to build up her confidence so that she will start playing with us. I think that the reason she does not play yet is because she is concerned that she will not be able to do it. I think I am going to try to get her started playing it on the DS. Maybe since she would not be playing in front of everyone, it will help build up her confidence.